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Do Women Talk Too Much?!

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Question: Do women talk too much?!

Answer: We do not disrespect our mothers, aunties, grandmothers and wives with this claim, rather we honour them with good speech. Therefore, do not involve us in your useless, pathetic and silly gender wars! Some men talk too much and some women talk too much, so we remind ourselves of the admonition as follows:

Al-Allaamah Saaleh Al-Fawzaan (may Allaah preserve him) says: If a person’s speech is too much without remembrance of Allaah, then indeed it hardens his heart. That is because he will be heedless of the remembrance of Allaah, and if he is heedless of the remembrance of Allaah, his heart will become hard. And the hearts that are most distanced from Allaah is the hardened heart. Allaah. [Glorified and Exalted Be He]. [Allaah said]:

أَلَمْ يَأْنِ لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَن تَخْشَعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ لِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَمَا نَزَلَ مِنَ الْحَقِّ
وَلَا يَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلُ فَطَالَ عَلَيْهِمُ الْأَمَدُ فَقَسَتْ قُلُوبُهُمْ وَكَثِيرٌ مِّنْهُمْ فَاسِقُونَ

Has not the time come for the hearts of those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah – Islamic Monotheism) to be affected by Allah’s Reminder (this Qur’an), and that which has been revealed of the truth, lest they become as those who received the Scripture [the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)] before (i.e. Jews and Christians), and the term was prolonged for them and so their hearts were hardened? And many of them were Fasiqun (rebellious, disobedient to Allah).

[Allaah said]: [ثُمَّ قَسَتْ قُلُوبُكُم مِّن بَعْدِ ذَلِكَ فَهِيَ كَالْحِجَارَةِ أَوْ أَشَدُّ قَسْوَةً -Then, after that, your hearts were hardened and became as stones or even worse in hardness] [Surah Al-Baqarah Ayah 74]. The heart hardens, even though it is a soft (piece) of meat; however it can harden or get even worse until it becomes harder than stones. This has been stated by way of Qur’anic text: [ثُمَّ قَسَتْ قُلُوبُكُم مِّن بَعْدِ ذَلِكَ – Then, after that, your hearts were hardened]- Meaning, after the children of Israel witnessed the great lesson (or sign) regarding the murdered person who was brought back to life, which should have softened the hearts but they did not benefit from it.

[Allaah said]: [ثُمَّ قَسَتْ قُلُوبُكُم مِّن بَعْدِ ذَلِكَ فَهِيَ كَالْحِجَارَةِ أَوْ أَشَدُّ قَسْوَةً وَإِنَّ مِنَ الْحِجَارَةِ لَمَا يَتَفَجَّرُ مِنْهُ الأَنْهَارُ وَإِنَّ مِنْهَا لَمَا يَشَّقَّقُ فَيَخْرُجُ مِنْهُ الْمَاء وَإِنَّ مِنْهَا لَمَا يَهْبِطُ مِنْ خَشْيَةِ اللّهِ – Then, after that, your hearts were hardened and became as stones or even worse in hardness. And indeed, there are stones out of which rivers gush forth, and indeed, there are of them (stones) which split asunder so that water flows from them, and indeed, there are of them (stones) which fall down for fear of Allah] [Surah Al-Baqarah Ayah 74] . Therefore, if you want to soften your heart, then abandon excessive speech and busy yourself with the remembrance of Allaah, for indeed that will soften your heart. [An Excerpt from It’haaf At-Tullaab Bi-Sharh Mandhoomah Al-Aadaab’ page 86]

Al-Allaamah Saaleh Al-Fawzaan (may Allaah preserve him) also said: It is obligated on a person to restrain his (or her) tongue from excess Speech. He (or she) should not make his (or her) tongue tired and wasting time, but one should be engaged in remembrance of Allaah because profuse remembrance of Allaah is good, if that is done by way of At-Tasbeeh [uttering ( سبحان الله), At-Tahleel [uttering (لاإله إلا الله ), At-Takbeer [uttering (الله اكبر), teaching beneficial knowledge, calling to the path of Allaah (The Mighty and Majestic) and giving admonitions. This is the means by way of which Allaah raises the status (of a person) and a tree planted for him (or her) in paradise. An increase in remembrance of Allaah has no limits. Whenever it is possible for you to increase (in remembrance of Allaah), then increase in remembrance of Allaah. [Allaah] said: [اذْكُرُوا اللَّهَ ذِكْرًا كَثِيرًا-Remember Allah with much remembrance] [Surah Al-Ahzaab Ayah 41]

[وَاذْكُرُوا اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا لَّعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ -And remember the Name of Allah much (both with tongue and mind), so that you may be successful. [Surah Al-Anfaal Ayah 45]. From the signs of Imaan is to remember Allaah a lot and from the signs of hypocrisy is to remember Allaah very little. Allaah stated about the hypocrites: [وَإِذَا قَامُوا إِلَى الصَّلَاةِ قَامُوا كُسَالَىٰ يُرَاءُونَ النَّاسَ وَلَا يَذْكُرُونَ اللَّهَ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا – And when they stand up for As-Salat (the prayer), they stand with laziness and to be seen of men, and they do not remember Allah but little. [Surah An-Nisaa Ayah 142]

Little remembrance of Allaah is from the signs of hypocrisy and remembering Allaah a lot is from the signs Imaan. So if you want to speak a lot, let it be through remembrance of Allaah – by way of At-Tasbeeh [uttering ( سبحان الله), At-Tahleel [uttering (لاإله إلا الله ), At-Takbeer [uttering (الله اكبر), At-Tahmeed [uttering (الحمد لله ), recitation of the Qur’aan and this is the best of Dhikr – by way of teaching beneficial knowledge, bringing about reconciliation between the people, giving admonitions, enjoining good and forbidding evil. There are many opportunities for remembering Allaah (The Mighty and Majestic). [An Excerpt from It’haaf At-Tullaab Bi-Sharhi Mandhoomah Al’Aadaab’ page 85]

Faa’idah from Imaam Sadi (rahimahullaah) regarding the Ayah:

[وَإِذَا قَامُوا إِلَى الصَّلَاةِ قَامُوا كُسَالَىٰ يُرَاءُونَ النَّاسَ وَلَا يَذْكُرُونَ اللَّهَ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا – And when they stand up for As-Salat (the prayer), they stand with laziness and to be seen of men, and they do not remember Allah but little. [Surah An-Nisaa Ayah 142]

Among their characteristics (i.e. the Munaafiqoon) is that ‘when they stand up for prayer’, and if they offer the prayer, which is the greatest physical act of obedience to Allaah, ‘They stand with laziness‘- with lack of enthusiasm and being uneasy. ‘And to be seen of men’; this is what their hearts conceal and this is the initial reason behind their deeds – to be seen of men. They intend to be seen of men, praised and honoured, but not out of carrying out acts of worship sincerely for Allaah. And due this, ‘They do not remember Allaah but a little’ because their hearts are filled with Riyaa. For indeed remembrance of Allaah and what it necessitates cannot be (established) except by a believer whose heart is filled with love for Allaah and His Greatness. [Abridged and slightly paraphrased. See Tayseer Al-Kareem Ar-Rahmaan Fee Tafseer Kalaam Al-Mannaan of Imaam Sadi]

The Messenger [sallal-laahu alayhi wasallam] said: [مَنْ صَمَتَ نجا – The one who keeps quiet is saved]. [Ref 1]

Ibn Abdil Barr [rahimahullaah] said: Utterance of good, such as remembrance of Allaah, recitation of the Qur’aan and righteous deeds is better than silence, and likewise truthful speech, bringing about reconciliation between the people and what is similar, rather praiseworthy silence is that one refrains from uttering falsehood. [Ref 2]

Ibn Aqeel [rahimahullaah] said: ‘’If the truthful ones were to keep quiet and the falsifiers speak, then the creation would have relinquished what they have witnessed [of truth] and reject what they have not witnessed. So, when the devout ones desire to revive the Sunnah, the people would reject it and think that it is bidah’’. [Ref 3]

Ibnul Akwaa [rahimahullaah] came to Rabee Bin Khuthaym [rahimahullaah] and said, ‘’Refer me to one who is better than you; he [Rabee] said, ‘The one whose speech is a reminder for himself; his silence is [so that he can] think and his destination [in the aakhirah is a reason] for reflection. He [i.e. this type of person] is better than me’’’. [Ref 4]

Fudayl Ibn Iyaad [rahimahullaah] said, ‘’Neither hajj nor taking up positions during battle, nor Jihaad is more difficult than restraining the tongue’’. [Ref 5]

Al-Hasan Bin Saaleh [rahimahullaah] said, ‘’I scrutinised Al-Wara -[i.e. the fear one should have in order to refrain from entering into doubtful matters and thus leads to harm in the afterlife] – thoroughly and did it find it more lacking in anything than the tongue”. [Ref 6]

“Restrain Your Tongue, Keep to Your House and Weep Over Your Sin- By Shaikh Albaani [rahimahullaah]

Audio Link:

عن عقبة بن عامر رضي الله عنه قال

قلت :يا رسول الله ما النجاة ؟

قال :امسك عليك لسانك ,وليسعك بيتك وابك على خطيئتك

Uqbah Ibn Aamir [radiyallaahu-anhu] said, “I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah! What is salvation[i.e. to be protected from Allaah’s punishment on the Day of Judgement]?’ He said, ‘Restrain your tongue, keep to your house and weep over your sin’”.

Restrain your tongue: Meaning, do not speak, except based on that which benefits you and that which concerns you, as the Prophet [sallal laahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘’Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, then let him say what is good or remain silent.”

Keep to your house: Some people may think that this necessitates keeping away from the people completely; rather this is an advice of the Prophet [sallal-laahu-alayhi wasallam] that one stays in his house when Fitan becomes rife, so a person realises that there is no benefit in intermingling with the people; rather it becomes obligated on him [or her] to save himself [or herself] by staying indoors. However, this is not permissible in every era and place, because Islaam is established based on the foundation [ قُمۡ فَأَنذِرۡ – Arise and warn [i.e. call to Tawheed and warn against shirk(Surah Al-Mud-dath-thir’ Aayah 2], and this necessitates that one intermingles with the people to give them dawah. And this why the Messenger [sallal laahu alayhi wasallam] said: ”The believer who mixes with people and patiently bears their harm is better than the one who does not mix with people and does not patiently bear their harm.’’ However, if intermingling with the people will result in harming the Aqeedah, manners and religion of the Muslim, then he [or she] should adhere to this noble advice of the Prophet [sallal laahu alayhi wasallam] that one “Stays in his [or her] house”.

And weep over your sins: This is a constant obligation, whether Muslim lives in isolation from the people [i.e. when the need arises] or intermingles with them. One should take himself [or herself] to account and contemplates on what he [ or she] did during day and night, so that he [or she] remembers his Lord and hopes that he [or she] will be included amongst those seven people [i.e. those who will be provided with shade on the day of judgement when there will be no shade], and amongst them is ‘’the one who remembers Allaah when he is alone, and his eyes fill up with tears.’’ [Al-Bukhaari, no. 620] [7]

Ibn Abbaas [radiyallaahu-anhumaa] said, “Well-being and safety is ten parts; nine parts are found in silence [i.e. speak good or remain silent] and the tenth part is found in seclusion”. [Sifatus Safwa. 4/257]

Maalik Bin Deenaar [rahimahullaah] said, “The righteous people used to advise one another with three affairs: restraint of the tongue, seeking the forgiveness of Allaah and seclusion”. [Hilyatul Awliyaa 2/277]

Al-Khattaabee [rahimahullaah] stated that the intent behind this [i.e. seclusion] neither means that a person abandons the obligatory gatherings [i.e. Salawaat, the Jumu’ah prayer and other gatherings where one is required to appear etc], nor that one neglects the rights of the people [i.e. such as visiting people for the sake of Allaah, helping them, responding to invitation etc] and the good customary practices established amongst the people [Ref 8], nor does it mean that one refrains from replying to their greetings; rather seclusion necessitates abandoning excessive and increased intermingling for which there is no need. [Al-Uzlah. pages 12-13]

[Ref 1: Reported by At-Tirmidhee. Number 2501. Declared Saheeh By Imaam Al Albaani (rahimahullaah) in Saheeh Sunan At-Tirmidhee]
[Ref 2: At-Tamheed. 22/20. Slightly paraphrased]
[Ref 3: Shifaa As-Sudoor Fee Ziyaaratil Mashaahid Wal-Quboor page: 148]
[Ref 4: Siyah A’laam An-Nubulaa: 4/261]
[Ref 5: Jaami-ul Uloom Wal-Hikam’ page 145; Ref 6: Siyar A’laam An-Nubulaa: 7/368]
[Ref 7: Paraphrased. Listen to audio in the link: ]
[Ref 8: A Principle Regarding Customs of The People: Imaam Ash-Shaatibee [rahimahullaah] stated that Customs are many different types- some are sound and others are corrupt. The sound customs are those that neither oppose the Sharee’ah texts nor lead to losing an affair deem to be beneficial by the Sharee’ah, nor lead to an affair which the Sharee’ah deems to be corrupt. As for the corrupt customs, they are those that oppose the evidences in the Sharee’ah or some of the principles of the Sharee’ah, such as some of the customary dealings in usury, and those deeds deemed to be evil by the Sharee’ah which the people engage in during occasions of happiness (or rejoicing etc) [Al-Muwaafaqaat 2/283] NB: Whenever we are unsure whether a certain custom of our nation, tribe or clam is permissible or not, we should seek clarification from the people of knowledge].

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