Admonition to The One who Hates His Wife Due to Some Trait He Notices In Her


In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Allaah [The Most High] said:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [Soorah Ar-Rum: Ayah: 21]

Imaam as-Saa’di [rahimahullaah]: In most cases you will not find love in anyone similar to the love and mercy between a husband and wife. (1)

The Messenger [sallal-laahu-alayhi-wasallam] said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another”. (2) Meaning: There is no bond like that bond between two people in marriage who love one another, for if they are married and love is present between them, it will increase in strength every day. (3)

Imaam Muhammad Bin Saaleh Al-Uthaymeen [rahimahullaah] said: If a person says: What will make a man love his wife and vice versa? We say: Allaah has clarified this in His statement: [وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ – And live with them honourably]. [Soorah An-Nisaa’ Aayah 19]

If every person lives with his wife honourably and vice versa, then love, a strong bond and a happy married life will be established. (4)

Jabir [radiyallaahu-anhu] narrated that Allaah’s Messenger [sallal-laahu-alayhi-wasallam] said, “Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension)- the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says, ‘ I did so and so’. He says, ‘You have done nothing’. Then one amongst them comes and says, ‘I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife’. The Satan goes near him and says, ‘You have done well’. A’mash said, ‘He then embraces him'”. [Saheeh Muslim. Number:2813]

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [rahimahullaah] said, “And because of the fact that this bond (between husband and wife) is from the most beloved affairs to Allaah and His Messenger, it is from the most hated affairs to the enemy of Allaah [i.e. shaytaan]. Therefore he hastens to split two people who love another for the sake of Allaah”. (5)

Allaah [The Exalted] said: [فَإِن كَرِهۡتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَيَجۡعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيۡرً۬ا ڪَثِيرً۬ا – If you dislike them (i.e. your wives), it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good]. [Surah An-Nisaa, Aayah: 19]

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [rahimahullaah] said: The person may dislike a woman due to a trait of hers, whilst there is a great deal of goodness in keeping her and he does not know it. He may love a woman due to a trait from her traits, whilst in keeping her there is much evil and he does not know it. The human being is as he has been described by his Creator; ”Verily, he (man) was unjust (to himself) and ignorant (of its results)’’ [Ahzaab: Ayah: 72]. Therefore, it is not befitting that he places his inclination, love, aversion and hatred as a measure for that which harms or benefits him, rather the measure is that which Allaah has selected for him of commandments and prohibitions. The most beneficial of affairs for him without exception is obedience to His Lord outwardly and inwardly [i.e. praiseworthy hidden deeds of the heart and apparent actions of the limbs], and the most harmful of affairs for him without exception is disobedience to his Lord outwardly and inwardly [i.e. evil hidden deeds of the heart and apparent actions of the limbs]. If he embarks upon sincere obedience and servitude to Him, then all that he comes across of that which he hates is better for him; and if he withdraws from obedience and servitude to Allaah [The Most High], then all that is in what he loves is bad for him. Therefore, whoever has a sound knowledge regarding his Lord and an understanding of His Names and Attributes, he knows with certainty that there are [affairs of advantage, great benefits, welfare etc] and useful (things) in those hated things that afflicts him and [in those] trials that befall him, which he cannot innumerate by way of his knowledge and contemplation; rather the [affairs of advantage, great benefits and welfare] for the slave are greater in that which he hates than in what he loves. The universally beneficial things for the souls are found in what they hate, just as the universally harmful things for the souls and the causes for their destruction are in what they love. (6)


[Ref 1: Tafseer As-Sadi]
[Ref 2: Reported by Imaam Ibn Maajah 2/153. Hadeeth Number: 1847. Declared Authentic by Imaam Albaanee in As-Saheehah 2/196];
[Ref 3: Sharh Sunan Ibn Maajah by As-Sindee (rahimahullaah)… Hadeeth Number 1847’ Book of Marriage- Chapter: The Excellence of Marriage]
[Ref 4: Fataawaa Noor Alad-Darb 6/29]
[Ref 5: Rawdatul Muhibbeen. page:188]
Ref 6: Al-Fawaa’id: page: 145-148. Slightly paraphrased]

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